that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize