Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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