I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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