how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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