I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
