I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
