Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
