He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize