Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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