win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
