Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
