No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
