I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
