So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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