Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
