summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
