yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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