Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize