just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
