were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm getting married
To pizza
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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