ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
