Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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