Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
