I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
