this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
