is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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