u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
