Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize