I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
