I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
