PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
