Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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