not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
