What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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