you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
