also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
