Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
