why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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