nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
