the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
