i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
