my being single is dangerous.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize