I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
