3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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