He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
