If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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