Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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