My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will be naked everywhere
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize