I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
