new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
