so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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