i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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