I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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