Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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