i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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