Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
