my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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