when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
