so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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