help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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