a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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